i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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