Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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We had sex on a dog bed..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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