your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
