so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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