You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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