absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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