If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
