mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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