Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
