I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
