News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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