You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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