it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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