Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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