went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
