saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
