Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
