i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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