I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize