Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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