i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
