I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I deserve this hangover.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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