Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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