am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
