Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
