Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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