Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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