I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
