K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
