someone threw a dead crab at me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
