Umm I'm too high to move.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
