I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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