I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
