I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
