dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize