I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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