Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize