i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
