took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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