you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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