bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
