You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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