I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
