my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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