I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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