i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
