I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
