your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
