You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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