is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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