Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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