At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
