Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
