is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
