Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
