Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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