I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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