youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize