There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
