Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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