we have pet lesbian snakes
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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