Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He felt like a one man threesome
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
