My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
