soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My breasts were aching with rage.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
